


Skinny Love

by louisintights



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, M/M, i personally think louis is perfection personified btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:11:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisintights/pseuds/louisintights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows something is going on with Louis, and he's determined to find out what. (trigger warning for anorexia!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skinny Love

The boys sat at a small booth in the corner of an equally tiny bed-and-breakfast, the only type of place they could go on their own without being mobbed.

The waitress came over, an older woman who probably didn’t even know who they were.

“Hello, I’m Martha, what can I get you boys?” she asked.

“Pancakes…two orders, please. And milk!” said Niall, already beaming in anticipation.

Liam and Zayn both ordered toast, eggs, and sausage, while Harry got orange juice and an apple.

Louis watched them idly, feigning boredom to cover up his nervousness. He though back to the last time he’d eaten- it’d been just last night, right? Or had it been yesterday morning? Whenever it was, it was too recent. He unconsciously placed a slender hand on his stomach, hating it for feeling too soft to him. 

“Louis? Louis, come in, Lou!”

He snapped back to reality to find all four boys smirking at him and the waitress waiting patiently.

“Oh…uh, I’ll just have water, please, thanks,” he said quickly, casting his eyes down.

She nodded and left.

“You sure, Lou? It’s breakfast!” Niall exclaimed incredulously.

“I’m really not that hungry, guys. I’ll eat later,” Louis said, pushing his fringe back and forcing a smile.

Hearing this, Harry looked up sharply from fiddling with his bracelets.

Harry had noticed that Lou hadn’t been eating as much recently- he was starting to worry that he was getting sick and refusing to tell anybody. He couldn’t tell if Louis had lost weight, but although Louis normally was slim, he seemed more delicate, frailer, as if one touch could break him. Even his tightest shirts seemed to fit more loosely- although Louis wasn’t wearing those tight shirts as much, he’d taken to hiding himself in big sweaters and hoodies.

Louis noticed Harry’s eyes on him from across the table and avoided his gaze. Harry was the last person that Lou would want to know about him and his… problem. He didn’t want Harry to see him as weak, but almost more importantly, he didn’t want Harry to see him as fat.

Harry watched as Lou seemed to shrink into himself, shivering a little with a very strained smile, and resolved to talk with him about his sudden aversion to food at their next hotel.

It ended up not being until three days later that Harry got a chance to talk to Louis. Lou seemed to be avoiding him, avoiding everyone- choosing the single with the excuse that he hadn’t been able to sleep because of everybody else’s snoring on the tour bus, saying that he was too tired to go out clubbing with rest of the boys, even “accidentally” sleeping in and missing breakfast and the discussions that accompanied it.

But Harry refused to let it go, and when Liam brought up going out, he seized his chance.

“I think I’ll stay in tonight, not to be boring or anything,” said Louis, just as Harry had thought he would.

“You sure?” said Zayn, rubbing his chin.

“But you haven’t gone out with us in forever, man!” whined Niall, tugging at his sleeve and shooting him puppy-dog eyes.

“Nah, I’m just…really, really tired,” Louis said again, his shoulders slumping as he shook himself free of Niall’s grip.

Harry waited until the others had all declared themselves as going before saying, “I think I’ll stay in too. Me and Lou can watch some television, hang out a little, maybe even practice for tomorrow.”

Liam scoffed. “Ha! You two won’t practice a step! More likely I’ll come home to find you guys passed out and cuddled into each other on the bed.”

Louis blushed a little, and Harry watched as his cheeks were delicately stained with the palest pink, wondering why Lou’s skin suddenly seemed so…intriguing.

“You don’t need to stay in with me!” Louis said somewhat frantically, once again placing a hand on his stomach without even realizing he was doing so.

“No, it’ll be fun! We can order in pizza or something, we haven’t gotten to just talk in ages!”

Louis, seeing no way out, nodded slowly. “All right. This’ll be fun,” he said, as if trying to convince himself.

 

Louis didn’t know why he felt so paranoid about Harry discovering his secret. Maybe it was because he and Harry were always so close, even closer than he was to the rest of the boys. It was his Haz! And while that was a good thing, he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to be around someone as perceptive as Harry- not to mention the fact that avoiding dinner was sure to be awkward, but he’d already filled his scanty calorie quotient for the day and couldn’t stand the thought of eating anything else.

The other boys went into their rooms to get ready for their night out, while Harry grabbed Louis’s hand and swung them both towards his room.

“Movie night! Yes!” He said, flopping onto Lou’s bed. “Now what do you want to watch? I’ll call in the pizza and set us up some cushions and stuff, let’s make this fancy!”

Louis couldn’t help but smile at Harry’s excitement, but then frowned, remembering a few things- namely, that he couldn’t eat, and didn’t want to sit to close to Harry in case Harry somehow felt how emaciated he’d become…Lou’s ribs were like piano keys threatening to burst through his skin at any moment.

“Let me run to the bathroom, I’ll be back,” he muttered, then hurried into the bathroom, locked the door, and leaned forward towards the mirror, bracing his hands on the sink and staring into the eyes of his reflection. He didn’t know what to do, he was panicking, something about the way Harry had been looking at him the past few days was foreboding of difficult things to come.

Louis didn’t usually object to confrontation, but confrontation about himself was a different matter. If Harry knew about his problem, he’d be sickened. Harry would be repulsed, both at how fat Louis was and at how fragile he’d become.

He stayed in the bathroom thinking for so long that Harry had to bang on the door, shouting, “Lou! Pizza’s here! Get your butt out here!”

He walked out, smelling the pizza and hating the leap his stomach gave. He pinched himself hard in the side, reminding himself of the fat, the skin, the disgusting and revolting mess of a stomach he had.

Harry stuck two pieces of pizza on a plate and instead of giving it to Louis, thrust the rest of the box in his face.

“Eat! You didn’t have breakfast this morning, you must be starving!”

Louis took the box and, when they were both sitting comfortably on the couch, if further away from each other than usual, pushed it towards the table as subtlety as he could, and fortunately Harry didn’t seem to notice.

They ended up watching The Notebook, a movie that Harry always found romantic and adorable and Lou usually thought cheesy and contrived.

This time, Louis was shocked at the end to find his eyes a little wet. He hadn’t realized what rapt attention he had been paying the movie until Harry snapped in front of his face.

“Louis! You’re worrying me, mate!”

Louis blushed once again at the proximity of Harry’s eyes, and then looked down.

“How so? I’m fine,” he said, forcing himself to smile and then looking up again. “Just as good as ever…”

Harry scoffed. “Lou, you haven’t touched your pizza! Come on, just eat it! You’ve got to be ravenous by now.”

Louis suddenly felt so trapped, just sitting here with the boy he trusted and loved above all others. The pizza almost seemed to be glaring up at him, mocking him and his inability to avoid it.

Harry picked up a piece and put it in Louis’s hand.

"Why won’t you just eat? It’s just pizza.”

And suddenly, Lou found himself snapping, unable to stand the tension any longer, grabbing the piece of pizza and shoving it whole into his mouth, sauce dripping down his chin and the crust nearly choking him. He chewed as fast as possible, grabbing the second piece and cramming as much of it as possible into his mouth as well before the first was even swallowed.

He tried to stand up, but Harry grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back onto the couch, half on his lap.

He looked horrified and so concerned, so tender, that Louis couldn’t stand it.

“Lou! Louis, boo bear, Lou…what’s wrong? Please tell me! I know you aren’t okay, what’s going on with you?” Harry asked, holding Lou’s hand tight in both of his own and looking into his eyes with earnest green ones. 

Louis tried to say that it was nothing when he realized that he was crying, tears pouring down his face and combining with the pizza in a very unpleasant combination. In a massive effort, he swallowed the remains of the pizza past the huge lump in his throat, and suddenly he wasn’t just crying normally, but was actually sobbing, heart-wrenching, deep sobs, drawing in shuddering gasps and shaking.

Harry pulled him in close and when Lou looked up at last he realized that Harry was crying too.

“Louis, please tell me what’s happening! I need to help you somehow, I can’t just sit here and watch you break right in front of me-“

And then he broke off suddenly, frowning deeply. His hand had been on Louis’s leg, drawing Lou into a warm embrace, but as he spoke it had traveled upwards to where Louis’s hipbone was- and his hipbone was far to pronounced, jutting out of his body sharply.

Harry’s eyes narrowed in realization, and his hand slid further up Louis’s body, up his side and over his flat, nearly concave stomach, sliding up his rib cage and feeling each rib that poked into his big hand.

He finally slid his hand up to Louis’s chin and tilted Lou’s face towards his. Lou had been watching him explore his bones in resignation, passively, unable to summon the strength to resist discovery any longer.

“Lou, sweetie, please tell me you don’t think you’re fat.”

Louis’s eyes widened involuntarily, and he shook a little in Harry’s grasp.

Barely keeping eye contact, he nodded slowly and dejectedly, ready for Harry to pull away in revulsion.

So he was very surprised to find himself drawn in even closer to Harry, until his wet cheek was resting on Harry’s warm, broad shoulder.

Harry stroked his arm, and Lou shivered once again.

“Louis,” Harry murmured, “I don’t know how I can prove to you that you aren’t fat. Not even close- especially now that you’ve starved yourself for whoever knows how long! You’re tiny, you always have been. You’re perfect. Completely and utterly perfect.”

Lou found his eyes tearing again, but for an entirely different reason, and he drew back to look at Harry.

“Do you think so? You really think so?” he asked, his voice breaking, trying not to sound to needy and knowing that he hadn’t succeeded.

Harry nodded, and when Louis’s face remained the same, the tear-stained cheeks and hollowed, weary eyes became too much for him. Because somehow, Louis looked absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful, even while he was so shattered.

And so, without really knowing what he was doing, he leaned his face in and gently closed the gap between their mouths.

At first, it was sweet, chaste, Lou not responding at first, but after he realized what was going on, the kiss deepened.

Harry ran his hands through Lou’s hair, while Louis clutched Harry’s shoulders even tighter, as if afraid that he would slip away. Harry’s hands traveled down Louis’s back, down his all-too-easily-felt spine, and sighed into the kiss, pulling away but keeping his body near.

Louis was looking down, flushed, but when he looked up he saw that Harry’s eyes were bright and burning with some deep emotion.

He suddenly felt shy, but murmured anyway, “Haz…what was that for?”

Harry gently reached up hand to curve around his cheek, brushing a few stray tears away.

“I think I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. But that? That was to prove to you that you’re perfect, Lou, so perfect. And you’ll always be perfect to me.”

Louis sighed deeply, and then leaned back in. He knew he wasn’t perfect, but if he could be perfect to just one person, Lou thought, he’d just as soon have it be his Hazza.


End file.
